prpl pen (prpl_pen) wrote,
prpl pen

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Ha, I am sitting here eating a Baby Bottle Pop! It's been a long time since I had one. I used to suck them all the time at work, and my co-workers all laughed about that (except for the few who seemed to be turned on by it...). Anyhoo, I saw one randomly at the craft store and had to buy it.

But, yeah, today was nice. My mom came up to visit and buy some things for the baby shower she is throwing for my new cousin on Saturday. I bought myself a new fish (thus far unnamed) and some new paintbrushes, and got my hair cut. Well, more like trimmed, really. I was strong for once! Usually when I say I am going to grow my hair out, I end up getting it suddenly chopped really short when it reaches this length (about to my shoulders).

I've been quiet on the LJ front lately, but I really haven't had much to say. *shrug* Actually, I think I just needed to give myself a break from like...I'm not even sure how to describe it. Perceived obligations, sort of. As in, I was making myself feel like I had to do this, this, and this, in this particular order, and I was making myself crazy with it. The problem is, I'm feeling guilty doing anything just for myself, when I could (or should, in my way of looking at things) be finishing an old WIP, or doing something for someone else first. Don't get me wrong, I like making gifts/art/drabbles/whatnot for other people, and I like working on certain fics of mine or stuff for contests, etc. I think the problem is, I just started to take that sort of thing as some kind of iron-clad commitment, and like it's more important than the direction my brain is trying to lead me at the moment, and so end up ignoring various inspirations/ideas I'm feeling right then, because I felt like I could get to those later. In doing that, I'm stifling myself.

Well, once I realized that consciously, I'm trying to ignore that little voice of guilt inside of me. I mean, I still feel bad for not being able to do birthday stuff for everyone on the flist anymore, but it's grown quite a bit since when I first started on LJ. It's really not practical anymore. I shouldn't feel bad about that. Bottom line is, I just need to remember that I'm doing this for fun. I need to feel free to go with the flow and do what I really want to be doing, instead of forcing myself to work on an old WIP I'm not really feeling, just because "it came first". This might help me with my recent acute writer's block, too, I think.

Well, now that I've written that, it seems a little pointless, but I think I needed to kind of line things up on paper and make sense of various things I've been mulling over. Kind of like thinking out loud, I guess.

I did give in to the dark side, though, and apply at bnf_brawl.
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